It's Not Me
by mcgirl
Summary: A person from two of the friends past brings up sad memories for Rachel and Chandler that shocks their friends
1. TOW Chandler and Rachel have a past

It's Not Me

Disclaimer: I don't own friends and am making no money off of this

Important: This is totally redone

Reviewers: Thanks to the reviewers for giving me some great ideas, after reading it again I did noticed it was rushed and is now almost totally redone. It was great to have your advice.

Warning: This fic deals with death so if that is difficult for you to deal with turn back or if you are under the age of 13 this is not a fic for you.

Three and a half Years Before Friends

Setting Bar

It was hard to believe his friendship with Ross might be over. Chandler was saddened by this but Ross had told him since he was in grad school he would be too busy for hanging out with Chandler because he had important stuff to do, well so do I in my temp job as a data processor he thought taking a big sip of his beer.

Rachel needed to get away from her family and friends, college life in general she thought as she entered the bar and took a seat beside Chandler.

Chandler was analyzing how great beer and alcohol in general was when he noticed someone took the empty seat beside him but instead decided that ignoring her would be best.

His head snapped up when he recognized the voice of the woman trying to place her name. He looked at her quickly and recognized her as Ross's little sister, Monica's friend, Rachel that was her name he said extremely proud of himself.

"Rachel" he said hoping that was her name.

The woman turned around to face him and said "Chandler, right."

"Yea, have you bought your drink yet" Chandler said.

"Not yet" she said.

"Well, it would be an honor if I could buy you this drink" he said. He didn't make a lot of money at his temp job but if he got desperate he could always ask his parents for money, hopefully they wouldn't want him homeless. Great I so do not need an image of my father in a dress right now.

"Thank you Chandler, are you flirting with me" she said accepting the drink.

"Maybe, finding my charm irresistible" he said smiling. He knew that Ross liked Rachel but he wasn't here anymore and it wasn't like they were friends now.

A couple hours later

"Rachel, I was wondering if you would like to go out sometime on a date" Chandler said suddenly insecure about the whole thing.

"I'd love to Chandler, here's my number" she said writing it down on a napkin as her cab arrived to take her home.

"Okay, I'll call you tomorrow" he said with a big smile on his face before she closed the door and the cab drove away.

"You've still got it, Chan man" he said as he waited for his taxi.

Six Months Later

Their romance and relationship was going fast. He had never felt like this with anyone before. Surprisingly at least to Chandler he was in love and found the girl he wanted to marry. They had told each other they loved each other three months ago and tonight he was going to ask her to marry him. He had enough money to buy an engagement ring and hoped it was enough for Rachel. Chandler had just gotten a permanent job, or at least not a temp job as a data processor in the place he worked. They had talked about marriage for the last two months and tonight was the night he was going to ask her the question, ask if she wanted to be Rachel Bing. He hoped the prospect of having the last name Bing would not turn her off.

Rachel couldn't believe it she was pregnant. What was Chandler going to think, what were her parents going to say. She loved Chandler more then she had ever loved anyone. If she believed in soul mates, she would say he was hers. She was always happy when he was around and he made her laugh when she was sad. She wanted to marry him but not because of the baby. The baby would change their relationship forever. Rachel was going to tell him tonight. If he truly loved her, then he would support her.

Restaurant, later that night

Rachel had noticed that Chandler seemed extremely nervous. She hoped nothing was wrong with him. He had taken her to a nicer restaurant then they usually went to but maybe he got a lot more money since he moved to a full time position.

Chandler finally spoke after a few minutes of silence.

"Rachel you know I love you and would do anything for you. I feel like these last few months have been the best months of my life" he said pausing.

He got down on his knees and knelt and said "I hope you feel the same way. Rachel Green, I was wondering if you would do the honor of marrying me."

Chandler felt the pause was going on for eternity when she finally shouted "yes, I will marry you" kissing him as he put the ring on her finger.

"It's such a beautiful ring, not too big or fancy, just right and eloquent" she said admiring her ring. She never wanted a huge ring like her sisters did, just something simple and beautiful.

"I've got something to tell you to, which I hope doesn't change your mind. I'm two months pregnant" she said waiting for his answer.

He was shocked to say they least, he thought they had taken precautions but he loved her and would love this baby.

"I've always wanted kids Rach, it's just sooner then I expected. We'll get through this and I'll never leave you" he said getting up from his seat to hug her.

Six and a half months later

Rachel's parents had not been happy about the circumstances she and Chandler were in. They weren't too fond of Chandler either. How was a data processor going to give the support Rachel and any of her future children deserved. She should have married a doctor or a lawyer according to them. They had not come to the wedding, granted it was not a wedding any Green would go to, at least her mother said.

They had gotten married in the courthouse, with the only witness besides the judge was a long time friend of Rachel's named Rebecca. She had run into them only a day before and pleaded with her to be their witness. She luckily agreed and the next day they went to the courthouse.

Chandler's parents didn't really care all that much which upset Chandler but from what he had told her, he had never been close to his family particularly after the divorce.

Rachel should not be thinking about this right now but she really wanted her mother to be there when the baby was born. Neither Chandler nor she knew the first thing about taking care of a baby. She hadn't been feeling good all day, her back hurt and all she wanted to do was go to sleep. She thought about calling Chandler but the baby was not due for a few weeks and Chandler was working hard to get extra money which they desperately needed.

The door opened and Chandler came into the small apartment looking exhausted but immediately was concerned when he saw Rachel lying on the couch.

"Are you all right Rachel" Chandler said worried

"I think I'm having the baby" Rachel said.

Chandler's eyes went wide and said "Oh shit, what do we need to. Can't you force him or her to wait for a few more weeks.

Rachel could not believe that he was more panicked then she was. She decided that she needed to take charge. "No I can't Chandler, go get my bag, it's in the bedroom and I'll call a taxi" she said.

Hospital Room

"Just breathe in and out honey" he said starting to do it.

"Chandler, I'm the one who is supposed to be doing this, not you" Rachel said.

"Right," he said as the doctor entered.

"Rachel, how are you doing and how far apart are your contractions" the doctor said.

"Okay, and they are about eight minutes apart" Rachel said.

"Good, it will be a few more hours till you have the baby. The baby's heart rate is good, if you need anything press the button" he said leaving.

Rachel looked over to her husband and he looked like a nervous wreck.

"Please calm down Chandler, everything is going to be fine" she said.

"I know, I promise I'll be better" he said kissing the top of her head.

Fifteen Hours later

"Rachel, you need to push now" the doctor said.

"I can't it hurts to much" she said.

"You can do it honey" Chandler said grabbing onto her hand who had calmed down in the last few hours. Now he was hyper from all the coffee he had been drinking.

She pushed and squeezed Chandler's hand at the same time.

They both let out a scream as she pushed again.

"I think you broke my hand" but when he saw the death glare on her face he said "but I am sure it is nothing of the pain you are going through."

"Congratulations, you have a boy. Do you want to cut the cord Chandler" the doctor said.

Chandler thought he was under control but when he got up his knees buckled and he fainted.

"Chandler" Rachel screamed.

"He must be a first time father, don't worry Mrs. Bing the doctors will make sure he is alright, sometimes this happens" a nurse said hoping to reinsure Rachel as they took him to x-ray.

Three Months later

Chandler and Rachel loved their new son with a love they had never felt before. Chandler Michael Bing was the most beautiful little boy in the world according to them. No matter how hard a day Chandler had, when he saw his wife and son his eyes lit up. He also helped out a lot, never complaining about helping with Chandler. Rachel wondered how she could be so lucky.

"I'm going to put him to bed" Rachel said followed by Chandler. They each gave him a kiss on the head, while little Chandler smiled.

1:00 a.m.

Chandler and Rachel both woke up, it was automatic because it seemed Chandler always started to cry at 1:00.

They both thought it was strange when it was 1:30 and Chandler had not started crying yet.

"I am going to check to see if he is awake" Rachel said. She went to his room and noticed it was very quiet. She had a feeling something was wrong so she turned on the light. She looked at him and noticed Chandler was very pale. She picked him up and noticed his body was very cold and then she noticed he wasn't breathing. Rachel let out a bone chilling scream and Chandler ran to the baby's room.

"Call 911, I think something's wrong with Chandler" Rachel said with a terrified look on her face. In her heart she knew her baby was dead but could not bring herself to say it yet. She tried baby CPR on him but he still wouldn't breathe.

When Chandler got back to the room, he saw Rachel in the rocking chair rocking her and the baby back and fourth with tears streaming down her cheeks. At that moment he knew their baby was dead.

Four Months later

Rachel and Chandler tried everything to make their marriage work again and be happy but they couldn't. Chandler couldn't talk about it, while Rachel did, and they both blamed themselves. The doctors said there was nothing they could do but it didn't make them feel any better, sometimes this happened according to the doctors.

So here they were today signing papers for separation. They didn't hate each other but it hurt too much right now. They knew soon they would be divorced. Rachel was moving out today to live with her parents and Chandler was moving into an apartment closer where he worked. He was meeting some guy named Joey Tribianni for the other room in the apartment.

Chandler had luckily reformed his relationship with Ross and it was great to have him back as a friend. He was surprised to find out that Ross was married but he had not told him about Rachel. He needed all the friends he could get right now and he would loose Ross if he told him.

This would be the beginning of a new life for Chandler and Rachel where in all odds they would probably never see each other again. They said there goodbyes as they left the courthouse and both wondered what was next.


	2. TOW where everyone finds out their past

Important: This is totally redone and if you have already read the first chapter, go back and read it.

Set a couple months after Emma is born and Chandler and Monica are still trying to have a baby. Rachel still lives with Joey and never moved in with Ross

Summary: A person from two of the friends past brings up sad memories for Rachel and Chandler that shocks their friends.

Pairing: Monica/Chandler, Rachel/Chandler when dealing with their marriage and before but for M/C people they will still be together in this fic. R/C will be friendship in the future. It will also be some Ross/Rachel possibly. Pairing might change later though.

Warning: This fic deals with death so if that is difficult for you to deal with turn back or if you are under the age of 13 this is not a fic for you.

The six friends were laughing about a story Chandler told them when someone interrupted them.

"Chandler and Rachel Bing, it is so good to see you again" a woman said.

"What the hell" Ross said.

"Rebecca is that you. It is so good to see you again but Chandler and I aren't married anymore, we divorced a long time ago but Chandler's married to a great woman, Monica here" Rachel said with a sad look in her eyes as well as Chandler's.

"I'm sorry I didn't know. I just saw you together and assumed" she said clearly embarrassed by what happened.

"Logical mistake, if I had a nickel for everyone who asked if we were married after we got a divorce, well I would have five cents" Chandler said trying to make a bad joke.

Monica knew he was trying to divert pain away from himself, particularly when he told bad jokes like this but she was angry that her closest friends, her husband had not told her they had been married.

"How are you doing, any kids or family" Rachel said.

"Yea, a husband and two kids. I am here on a business trip, how about you" Rebecca said.

"I have one daughter with Ross" she said showing the little girl in a stroller.

"We don't have any kids yet but we hope to soon" Chandler said.

"It was nice seeing you but I just came here for a cup of coffee because I have a meeting in thirty minutes" Rebecca said.

"Look at the time; I've got to go too. Ross can you watch Emma tonight" she said.

"Sure, you do whatever you have to do. I'll watch her for however long you need me too" Ross said still shocked at the revelation that his best friend was once married to his own again, off again girlfriend. He was trying really hard to suppress his anger but it wasn't working.

Phoebe had always known something was there between Chandler and Rachel. There auras and soul told it all, it was like they were soul mates so she was not as shocked or angry. She could see that it would complicate things particularly at the beginning. Sure she was angry and would probably yell at the two of them later but now was not the time because she saw how hurt they were and they needed their friends right now.

Joey was also not as shocked. He may pretend to be oblivious sometimes but there were times he caught glances between Chandler and Rachel that seemed like they were more lovers, then friends but it always disappeared as quickly as it came. He and Phoebe had even talked about it once. He was also angry but he knew some things were just left better in the past and would have a long talk with both of them later on.

It was the idea that they never trusted them to tell them their biggest secret that bothered Joey and Phoebe the most.

"Rachel, wait" Chandler said as he chased after he. She had made it outside but Chandler easily caught up to her. He pulled her into a hug and stood there silently for a minute.

"We need to talk Rachel. The problem is we never talked about it" Chandler said.

"I know but it was too painful, still is and I never once saw you cry" Rachel said more harshly then she intended.

"Why don't we go visit the-" Chandler said but was interrupted.

"No, Chandler I need to be alone right now. I'll see you later and we will have that talk" Rachel said leaving, while Chandler went back inside.

Chandler came back in but he looked like hell had just visited him.

Monica was too shocked for words right now, so Phoebe spoke up asking the question everyone wanted to know. "Why didn't you ever tell us the two of you were married."

"Because it was none of your damn business, still isn't" Chandler said slightly angry, even though he wasn't angry at them. He was angrier at the way some aspects of his life had gone.

"I'm your wife" Monica said.

"If you had asked if I had been married before I would have told you but Rachel and I have been divorced for many years, it doesn't matter."

"You knew I liked Rachel, how could you do this to me" Ross said.

"I didn't do it to spite you Ross. I fell in love and if you remember correctly we weren't exactly best friends at the time plus you were dating someone else. You were to busy for someone as immature as me" Chandler said angrily.

"It's not something a person thinks of asking" Monica said.

"Why'd you get a divorce" Joey said.

"Because" he paused "because sometimes love isn't enough. No matter how much you love each other, there are circumstances that make everything crumble around you and we weren't strong enough or willing to try to talk about it and possibly work it out, maybe if we had been older we would have but not then" Chandler said sadly.

"Love is always enough" Monica said.

"You watch too many romantic comedies if you believe that" Chandler said leaving without saying another word but slamming the door on his way out.

"Can you believe them, not telling us. They've been lieing to us for eight and a half years" Monica said.

"I know, I am not sure if I can ever trust them again" Ross said.

"Will the two of you just shut up. I am sure they have their reasons. We don't know what happened, we may never know but it is not our place to judge them" Phoebe said.

"I think this is precisely why they did not tell us because they knew you would react this way" Joey said.

"How do I know they are not having an affair right now. Rachel could be planning to take him away from me as we speak" Monica said.

"No she wouldn't, you would be the only person driving Chandler to Rachel if you keep acting like a spoiled little child. I've got to go" Phoebe said.

"Me too" Joey said leaving Ross and Monica to their anger, the feeling of being betrayed.

Concluding Info: I needed at least one person in the group to try to be objective and Phoebe and Joey are in this. I am not sure if any of the other members had lost a child but for the purpose of this fic they have not. The line "Because love is sometimes never enough" is a paraphrase from Charmed I think dealing with Phoebe and Cole which I also do not know or another show I can't think of right now.

Please Read and Review. This is my first friends' fanfiction and I would love to hear what other people think.


	3. TOW Chandler finally cries

Rachel and Joey's Apartment

Rachel was laying on her bed crying and holding Chandler's baby blanket so close to her, afraid if she loosened her grip anymore someone would steel it away from her and she would never see it again. She missed him so much.

Chandler was looking for Rachel at all the places she thought she would be and had not found her yet. He finally decided to go back to the apartment to see if she was there. The door was locked but luckily they had a key in case Rachel or Joey ever got locked out which had happened a few times.

He unlocked the door and quietly went into the apartment. He heard crying coming from Rachel's room and knew that she was home.

He knocked on the door and when nobody answered he opened it.

"Rachel" he said as she saw her lying on her bed with baby stuff

Chandler laid on the bed and took her into his arms, which felt so good.

"I miss him so much" Rachel said.

"I know, so do I Rachel, so do I" Chandler said struggling to hold back the tears.

"It's alright to cry you know. You need to do it Chandler" Rachel said.

"You know I don't cry" Chandler said.

"Maybe for once you do" Rachel said quietly

Finally after so many years trying to hide back the tears he cried. Chandler cried for the son he lost, the wife he divorced, and everything else he lost once his son had died.

Five hours later

Everyone except Rachel and Chandler were at Apartment 20.

They had all cooled down somewhat and were thinking of what to do next. They wondered where Rachel and Chandler were.

"Hey guys, can I come in" Rachel said.

"Sure, where's Chandler" Monica said.

"He's on my bed sleeping" Rachel said realizing that probably was not the best thing to say.

"What" Monica yelled

"We didn't do anything, just had a short talk but he really needs to sleep right now. I'm sure we'll have a longer talk later. We finally talked."

"Why didn't you tell us you were married at one time, that hurts that you didn't trust us" Phoebe said.

"It's to painful, plus none of you were in our lives then" Rachel said sitting down on a chair.

"You and Chandler get along surprisingly well for two people that are divorced. I know I get along okay with my ex-wives, but would never think of being best friends with them minus you but I couldn't see them everyday like you do Chandler" Ross said.

"We still care and love each other, it is just very complicated. We might still be married if the circumstances weren't against us but we were also young at the time so who knows how it would have turned out" Rachel said.

"The only thing I can think about which would break up a couple that loved each other would be an affair and if there was an affair one had to love the other less" Monica said.

"I wish that was it but Chandler would never cheat on someone once he was in a commited relationship and neither would I" Rachel said.

"Can't you at least tell us why you got a divorce" Joey said.

"Why we got a divorce is in the past and we don't want to bring it up again, sometimes it is better to put something in the back of your mind then have to face it, even though we are finally facing it together. If we faced it together we might still be together but then we might never of met Phoebe and Joey and not be friends with Ross and Monica."

"Come on, I've told you why I got a divorce" Ross said.

"Yea, well when I found out Carol was a lesbian it was not hard to put the pieces together even if you had not told me and if you forget I was there for when you said my name at your wedding to Emily and when we got married" Rachel said.

"It does sort of make me feel better that you are only one divorce behind me and Chandler is two" Ross said.

"Ross" everyone said.

"What, Chandler has made fun of that for years and now I find out he is divorced. He has no room to talk and now I can tell him that" Ross said.

"That is just how Chandler is, anyway I am leaving, bye" Rachel said.


End file.
